Another day
I wonder if part of my total issue with my life right now is that I'm sick? I mean, I have not-so-good days when I'm well too but it's so much harder to keep it together when I really feel lousy.
I've been thinking about this forgiveness thing. I decided about a month ago that I needed to forgive people who've done me wrong so that the resentment doesn't build up and kill me. Literally. I believe that stuff like that translates into high blood pressure, cancers, diabetes, you name it. Not every time, just sometimes. I firmly believe that my mother's crappy life killed her and therefore I believe that my stepfather had a big part in her dying so early.
So back to forgiveness. My stepfather is one of those people I'm working on forgiving. Forgiving him for not being a parent, forgiving him for treating both of my siblings better than he treated me because one was a boy and one was his biological daughter. Forgiving him for dumping Mother and her treatments off on me (and my 3 young children) when I went down to "help" when she was so sick. Forgiving him for treating my mother horribly...
That one stuck. I can't forgive him for that one. I couldn't figure out why until I was loading the dishwasher. I can't forgive him for something he didn't do to me. That's something Mother would have to forgive him for and she's not around so too bad for him. I hope it kills him, but I know it won't because he doesn't give a rap.
Looks like I need to work more on that forgiveness thing.
I've been thinking about this forgiveness thing. I decided about a month ago that I needed to forgive people who've done me wrong so that the resentment doesn't build up and kill me. Literally. I believe that stuff like that translates into high blood pressure, cancers, diabetes, you name it. Not every time, just sometimes. I firmly believe that my mother's crappy life killed her and therefore I believe that my stepfather had a big part in her dying so early.
So back to forgiveness. My stepfather is one of those people I'm working on forgiving. Forgiving him for not being a parent, forgiving him for treating both of my siblings better than he treated me because one was a boy and one was his biological daughter. Forgiving him for dumping Mother and her treatments off on me (and my 3 young children) when I went down to "help" when she was so sick. Forgiving him for treating my mother horribly...
That one stuck. I can't forgive him for that one. I couldn't figure out why until I was loading the dishwasher. I can't forgive him for something he didn't do to me. That's something Mother would have to forgive him for and she's not around so too bad for him. I hope it kills him, but I know it won't because he doesn't give a rap.
Looks like I need to work more on that forgiveness thing.
posted by Lori's Light Extemporanea | 9:10 AM
1 Comments:
Learning to forgive is something I think we all tend to struggle with at some point or another...even when we think we've covered all the bases, we can be blindsided by resentment in the most unexpected places!
I'm really struggling with the relationship between one of my best friends and myself. It has been strained since before Christmas, and I hate it. She's going through a rough time, but in the process she's making choices that give me cause for concern. I dared to express those concerns, hence the strain. She feels judged and picked apart. I feel slapped across the face and ignored and shut out. Even though I offered specific days to get together and talk it through, she never responded.
Then yesterday she sent me an email. She still feels judged and picked apart. She doesn't want me to feel like I can't say anything to her, but she doesn't think that she needs to explain or justify herself. She wants us to talk (gee, didn't I make that offer weeks ago?!), but I'm basically out to lunch on my concerns. I need to respond, but I don't know what to say or how, because what I say really won't matter; she'll do what she wants to anyway. She'll believe what she wants to.
I'm frustrated and angry and hurt and sad and weary of it all. Sigh. Add mice, a sore throat, and lots of work hours to the mix, and I am feeling run down and snarky. Not the best attitude to go into responding to my friend, is it.
But you know, I agree with your assessment on forgiveness, or rather unforgiveness. I'm sure I have a lot tucked away for a rainy day...I know I have bitter, angry feelings towards my siblings and in-laws, even my parents.
sorry for the rant! I can't really put all that personal friend rant on my blog because she reads it.
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