Frustrations

I did another horrible thing yesterday. Sometimes I despair of ever growing up and acting like an adult.

We've been having spew-hell around here. I rarely get out of the house because everyone is sick and as we all know, when you're sick you want your mom. Yesterday I didn't get off the couch for hours because I had two crying babies on my lap and all they wanted was to lie on me and whine.

My husband (you know, the man who gets to escape every day and go to work) called and was chatting. I asked him how his day was and he said that it was pretty good. He was ahead of his syllabus and gave the students a study day. In the meantime, he was able to finish posting this grade set and grade something else as well as analyze data and what ever else he was able to do. I don't know what I said but the conversation devolved into a discussion about how I never get anything accomplished, saddled down as I am by the twins, especially when they're sick. He started to tell me to tell the older girls to watch the twins so that I could take a nap (forgot to mention that I hadn't gotten to sleep more than an hour uninterrupted the night before). I just blurted out, "I don't even want to hear this. In fact, I don't want to talk to you at all right now." And I hung up on him.

Sometimes I think that he doesn't understand that I get tired of being the "bad guy", of always having to police the girls and make sure that they do their work. I get tired of assigning chores. I get tired of asking them to watch the babies when I know they're just going to resent it. And they didn't feel so well either. But I shouldn't have hung up on him.

I did apologize later but I don't think I'm ever going to grow up and be the person I'd like to be. I'm so frustrated with my life right now.